Unforgettable Memories
by bubblycrystal
Summary: They say to never fix something that wasn't broken, but Clare was broken. All I could think was that I wanted to fix her. I wanted to glue her back together. I wanted her to trust me.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is my first FanFic. Please be nice =)**

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**Eli's POV**

As I walked along the outside fence of the cemetery, I noticed a girl curled in a ball in front of the grave across from Julia's. I stopped, and watched as her body bounced with sobs. I entered the cemetery and kneeled down next to her and asked, "Are you alright?" She bolted up and attempted to wipe the mess of makeup from her face before turning around to look me in the eye.

"Fine," she stated as she brushed past me. Her eyes were a vivid ice blue, most likely accentuated from crying, and although her attempt to remove the makeup from her face failed, she was still one of the most beautiful people I've ever set my eyes upon.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, while turning her around by her elbow. She looked at me, then down at her elbow, and pulled it back from my touch while rolling her eyes at the same time.

"I don't know you. Therefore, I'm fine," she stated as she turned around and walked off. I wasn't going to chase after her, no matter how beautiful or upset she was. I came here for a reason, and that was to talk to Julia, and I wasn't about to ditch my late girlfriend for someone who clearly wanted nothing to do with me. But first, I looked down at the grave she was weeping over.

_Tyler Anthony Zucrich  
__August 24, 2000 - July 11, 2004_

I couldn't help but think, "...Who was this boy? He was so young..." I figured he was perhaps her little brother, or perhaps a cousin, and shrugged it off. I walked over to Julia's grave and sat down in my usual spot and began talking to her. I clearly had lost track of time because before I knew it, the sun had begun to set. I said my goodbye's to Julia, walked back to Morty, and drove home.

On my way home, I couldn't stop thinking about that girl. I knew I'd seen her before, but I couldn't figure out how. I've never seen her at the cemetery before, and I almost everyone at school. Another thing that bothered me was the amount that she was crying. The boy passed away six years ago. How could she still be this torn up inside about it? It just didn't add up to me. Who was this girl? I wish she hadn't been so cold with me. She probably could've used a shoulder to cry on...

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School started two days later, and as usual, nothing changed. School was still lame, people still had their fake personalities, and Holly J was still president. My last class every day was English, which I absolutely dreaded. Don't get me wrong – I'm a good writer. I just hate to write, I hate to read, and I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I have to take class on a language that I can speak fluently. As long as people can understand what I'm saying, I see no point in it.

I sat in the seat in the direct center of the room, just because teachers never look in the dead center of the classroom, but always the outskirts. As other students entered, I overheard people whispering and giggling about the "new girl" who was really a student who had moved away, but now moved back. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at how annoying people can be when it comes to gossip. I felt someone sit in the desk behind me, but I didn't care who it was. All I had to do was go to class and do the work. I didn't have to actually attempt to make friends with people I couldn't care less about.

The teacher started the class off by saying that we're all to have partners this semester to edit our work so that we can turn in our best work. "Great," I thought, "now I have to actually pretend to like someone in this class." As the teacher read aloud who everyone was partnered with, I heard her say "Elijah Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards." I knew the name. It sounded so familiar to me. But I couldn't put a face to the name which was weird. I knew who everyone was.

"Well, at least I'll be able to put a face to the name," I mumbled to myself.

"Well, you might as well do it. I _**am**_ sitting right behind you," a voice from behind me spoke.

I turned around and looked at the girl sitting behind me. Her face dropped when she looked me in the eyes. I couldn't believe it. It was the girl from the cemetery. Her piercing blue eyes glared me down as if she were repulsed by me. She then stood up and stomped her way over to our teacher and started what looked like arguing with her. As she huffed her way back to her seat, she muttered, "Great. Looks like we're stuck with each other." I smirked at how upset she was over this.

"I see you're feeling better?" I asked.

"Bite me," she growled.

"Just figured I'd ask," I rebutted.

"I don't need your pity," she spat as her eyes filled with tears. She stood up and darted out of the classroom. The teacher looked up and asked me if she were alright. I lied and said that she was about to get sick, and probably didn't think she'd make it if she had to ask for a hall pass. Once class ended, I gathered my things, along with hers, and took them with me so I could hand them to the teacher. Once I stood up, I heard a small voice behind me state, "Could I have my stuff back?"

I turned around and stated, "That depends. Are you going to stop being such a bitch to me? All I've been asking is if you're okay. Sorry I care."

She grabbed the books out of my hands and whispered under her breath, "I'll try."

And with that, she left. I have never been this intrigued by a girl before. If I hadn't seen her at the cemetery, I'd believe that she's just another stuck up snob at the school. But I had seen her at the cemetery, and I had seen her sobbing almost uncontrollably, so I knew something was up. She tried to make everyone believe that she was alright, but deep inside, she was broken, and there was something that was causing her to not be able to move on.

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**A/N: So? What'd you think? Should I continue or is it so horribly awful that I should just stop here?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: There's a lot more people than I expected who liked my story! I'm shocked! Haha =)**

**Anyway, I should probably mention that the character's are going to be slightly OOC, incase that wasn't obvious to begin with. Throughout the story, I might try and twist them into how they're portrayed in the show, but no promises. I kind of like who I've made them out to be in this story.**

**Also, I'm awful with punctuation, especially when it comes to incorporating spoken quotations. I've never fully understood it. Normally, whenever I write things, I try my best to avoid them, so I apologize if it's completely wrong!**

**Enjoy!**

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Eli's POV (still)

The next day, Clare never showed. Nor did she show the next day, or the day after that. On Friday, I felt her slide into the seat behind me. I turned around to greet her, but she ignored me and continued to stare at her desk. Slowly, I turned around once class started, but I couldn't concentrate. I didn't understand what I had done wrong to her. I couldn't grasp why she seemed to hate me so much. I would've passed her a note, but it's a little hard to do it discretely when the person you're passing to sits behind you. Not that she'd answer it anyway.

Once class ended, I debated confronting her about it, but decided against it. Clearly, she didn't want to talk, so why push her? I stood up, slung my bag over my shoulder, turned around to exit the classroom, and immediately crashed into her.

"Clare! I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were going to be standing right there," I apologized, but she didn't look at me. She just kept looking down at her feet.

"Clare?" I questioned, leaning over to try and look at her face only to notice tears escaping her eyes. Did I hurt her? I didn't think I had crashed into her _**that**_ hard! "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to! I didn't think –"

"You didn't hurt me," her weak voice overpowered mine. She looked up, and I could tell that something was on her mind by the way that she was avoiding eye contact with me by staring out the window. "Did you want to meet up to help me with the assignment? I missed when Ms. Dawes explained it."

"Sure. I'll meet you at the Dot at three," I replied. I noticed that she was still looking out the window. "Is there anything else you wanted to say..?" I asked. Her breathing shuddered as she slowly shook her head 'no'. "Well, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me." I walked around her and left the classroom. I looked behind me to see her reaction, and she had collapsed into her chair and started sobbing. I felt terrible leaving her like that, but if she didn't want my help, I wasn't going to sit around and make myself look like an obsessed fool.

I went to the Dot for three o'clock, and there she was, sitting in a booth next to the window, seemingly zoned out. I stopped and just stared at her for a minute. Her short, reddish brown curly hair framed her face so beautifully, and even though you could easily tell that emotionally she wasn't okay, she tried very hard to make her hair look perfect. Her front curls were pinned back away from her face, so that everyone could see those icy blue eyes, no matter how empty they were. Her porcelain skin was flawless, but was red and blotchy around her eyes due to her crying. I snapped out of studying her just in time for me to not be late for our meeting. I walked up to the door, and looked around, pretending as if I didn't see her through the window so that I didn't look like such a creeper. I slid into the seat in front of her, startling her out of her daze, but her eyes passed over my face and looked straight at the table.

"So what don't you understand about the assignment," I question, getting right to the point. I knew she didn't want much to do with me, so I didn't want to waste much time. Although, I could have spent hours looking at her. She was beautiful to me, no matter how messed up her makeup was or blotchy her face would get from crying. It all just made her more beautiful to me. It shows that she has a soul, and isn't fake like many of the girls we went to school with.

"I actually understand the assignment now, but I didn't want to stand you up." Her voice quivered as she spoke. Her bottom lip began to tremble, and she whispered, "I'm sorry," right before she got up to leave. I sat there for a few seconds and processed that she had just left me. Again. Realizing that I have to break through to her, I immediately got up and rushed out the door to find her. I saw her running down the sidewalk, and I chased after her.

"Clare!" I yelled. She stopped and looked at me, but then kept going. "Clare! Wait!" I yelled again. It didn't take me long to catch up with her, and I ran in front of her and grabbed her by the shoulders and stopped her myself. She hit my hands off of her shoulders and collapsed onto the sidewalk, sobbing. I knelt down beside her and she immediately buried her head into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and began to rub her back, whispering, "Its okay, Clare. Everything's going to be okay..." She shot out of my arms and glared at me. For the first time, she was looking straight at me instead of past me.

"Don't you dare tell me everything's going to be okay, especially when you clearly haven't a clue as to who I am," she spat. I looked at her with my mouth slightly open, completely speechless. She stood up, brushed herself off, and once again, walked away.

I stood up, still looking at her, and yelled, "Will you please stop walking away from me? I didn't do anything wrong!"

She stopped and turned around, clearly fuming. "Why? So you can hate me just like everyone else?"

"So glad you've already categorized me with everyone else at school. I'm not like everyone else, in case you haven't noticed. Clearly, I care about you, no matter how hard you try to push me away. Most people would've given up after what you said to me at the cemetery," I snapped back.

She didn't respond. She just glared at me with so much anger in her eyes that it made me slightly uneasy. I threw my hands up in frustration, turned around, stating, "Oh, just forget it," and began my walk home. I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my back.

All of a sudden I hear her yell, "Do your research, and if you want to still try and be my friend, I'll consider it." I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I was tired of being treated as a criminal when I did nothing wrong.

When I got home, those words were still rolling around in my head, _"Do your research,"_ but what does that mean? What am I supposed to research? Does this have to do with that boy? Why does she think everyone hates her? Reluctantly, I grabbed my laptop and typed "Clare Edwards" into the search bar. I clicked on the first website listed, and my eyes widened with what I found.

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**So, the next chapter is going to be in Clare's POV. I debated doing it with this chapter, but decided against it. I'll try and post it as soon as I can, but with my finals for school starting in a week, it may be a few days.**


	3. Chapter 3

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**A/N: So, it was really hard for me to write this in Clare's POV! I can do it just fine in my head, but when it comes down to writing it, it was a lot more difficult to portray how broken she really is.**

**Also, the entire time I was writing this, I had 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars stuck in my head. It made things much more complicated.**

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**Clare's POV**

I walked the long way home so that I could hopefully calm down so that my mother wouldn't question what was bothering me. She couldn't know that I was this upset about everything.

Truth is, I was fine until we moved back here. Hearing people whisper behind my back all the time, being made fun of to my face in the hallways at school, and then there's Tyler. Poor, sweet, innocent Tyler... He was only three... Moving back here just brought back all the horrible memories I had spent years trying to push from my brain.

As I approached my house, I checked my reflection in a car window to make sure I didn't look like a train wreck. I walked inside my house, and went straight to the staircase to go up to my room.

"Clare, honey, where have you been?" my mother asked trying to sound as if she cared.

"I went for a walk. I needed to clear my head for an assignment due," I lied.

"Okay, sweetie. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

"Thanks, Mom." And I quickly made my way upstairs. I shut the door and tried to focus on my assignment.

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I didn't go to school Monday because I couldn't handle facing everyone at school, especially Eli. I knew that he would know by now, and I'm surprised he didn't know earlier. Instead, I went to the park, and just stared at my feet while sitting on the swings all day. I hated my life here, but I had to come back at some point, right? They say that in order to truly overcome fears, you have to come face to face with them, no matter how hard it may be.

Hours must have passed because all of a sudden, I felt someone push me. I gasped, jumped off the swing, and turned around only to see Eli standing there completely emotionless.

_Oh shit,_ I thought. _He knows and hates me just like everyone else._

I turned around and started walking away, and next thing I knew, he was standing in front of me holding my arms so that I couldn't get away. He just glared at me with so much anger in his eyes. I tried to squirm free, but his grip just got tighter and eventually got to the point where I could no longer wiggle, so I stopped fighting.

"What do you want, Eli?" I asked, averting my eyes to the ground knowing full well what his answer was going to be. But he didn't answer. His tight didn't loosen, and he wouldn't stop glaring at me.

"Are you just going to keep glaring at me, or are you eventually going to tell me what you have to say and let me go?" I asked, but this time with more annoyance to my voice.

"You are an idiot," he eventually stated. I didn't entirely know how to take that since I had no idea what he was talking about.

"E-Excuse me?" I stuttered. His grip slowly started to loosen, but his glare never went away and he didn't stop holding my arms. I tried to shrug them off, but they didn't move.

"I said: you are an idiot."

"Yeah, I got that the first time. But why?"

"Did you not think I would have any slight form of understanding? I was at the cemetery too you know. I've had to deal with loss myself," he said with a raised voice as he dropped his hands.

"Obviously you don't know the entire story..." I said as I once again averting my eyes from his. I turned around and walked back over to the swing.

"I know that your father killed that boy, and I know that you saw him do it" he said as a matter-of-factly. I stopped dead in my tracks and closed my eyes.

"And..?" I questioned.

"And what?" he asked. " Are you trying to tell me there's more?"

"Just forget about it," I rolled my eyes and continued walking, but passed the swing and kept going. I wanted to get away from here. I wanted to get away from him. He didn't know the complete story, and I wasn't about to tell him. I tugged at the sleeves of my sweatshirt and covered my hands with them while crossing my arms and continued to walk across the park with tears streaming down my face.

_Of course there's more_, I thought to myself. _There'll always be more._

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**Eli's POV**

I stood there dumbfounded for what seemed like forever. Clare had made it clear that there was something I hadn't learned through all my 'research'. But what? Every website basically said the same thing: **MAN MURDERS BOY IN FRONT OF DAUGHTER**. And then I had understood how she looked so familiar to me. I ran up to her, and began to walk beside her without saying a word. I glanced at her every now and then to see if she was alright, but her expression never changed.

"...Is something on your mind?" she eventually asked.

"No, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm missing..." I pondered. "Although, I do have to ask why you're wearing a sweatshirt when it's about 75 degrees."

She didn't immediately respond and said, "I get cold when I'm upset." Her eyes never left the ground though and it sounded like a lie, but I wasn't going to push. I mean, everyone is different. But deep down, I knew she was lying. She was still hiding something from me, but I don't understand why. I clearly don't blame her for what happened to Tyler. If I had, I'd be like everyone else at school and make fun of her behind her back.

Then I realized that the missing piece of the puzzle that I can't figure out must be why everyone hates her. I didn't want to ask her because I didn't want to make her more upset than she already was, but no matter what, I wasn't going to leave her. She didn't have anyone else to turn to. Besides, her icy blue eyes were too captivating and I loved looking at them. Whatever the reason everyone else can find to dislike this girl, she's clearly not a horrible person, at least in my eyes.

"Clare?" I asked as I stopped walking.

"Yeah?" she turned to look at me, and finally looked at me into the eyes without glaring! I smiled faintly because of this because it showed that I was finally being let into her life.

And with that, I embraced her into the biggest hug I've given anyone in a long time. I had only hugged one other person this way, and that was Julia. It lasted for what seemed like minutes, and I slowly started rubbing her back when I felt her start to cry. I froze when I felt what I was missing all along. She pushed me back with her eyes wide with fear, whispering 'no' over and over to herself and ran away from me as fast as she could without ever looking back at me.

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**A/N: So? What'd you think? Let me know if you think I should continue or not since I'm not entirely sure how this story is.. This chapter was difficult to write and I eventually switched into Eli's POV since I was struggling.**

**Also, what do you think's going on with Clare? You may have to wait a chapter or two to find outttttt =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So I wasn't paying any attention in my government class this morning, and wrote this for three hours. Hahaha. The guy next to me kept giving me the weirdest looks. Oh well!**

**Enjoy! Also, it's still in Eli's POV. The stupid thing keeps removing the bar, and Eli's POV. =( So just pretend there's a little bar thing and that it says Eli's POV.**

I stood there and just watched her run away from me, yet again. Even if she had stayed, I wouldn't have known what to say. It felt like worms on her back. I couldn't help but think, _"If she cuts, why, or better yet, HOW was she able to cut her back?"_ I snapped out of my trance to chase after her... to talk to her... That's all I wanted to do. No matter what she thought, I wasn't angry, nor would I judge her. I'm just confused...

Her ice blue eyes screamed at me. She barely even whispered a word, but her eyes said so much more. They had so much terror, yet they weren't any less beautiful. I barely knew this girl, but yet I was beginning to care so much for her. She was so beautiful when she wasn't crying, but that image was rare, unfortunately. I wanted to help her. I knew what loss did to one's emotional state, but at the same time, I hadn't witnessed a boy get murdered by my own father.

By now I was at the other side of the park, and Clare was long gone. I knew I had to find her before she did something stupid, especially in her fragile state. I didn't want another life to be taken from this world because of my idiotic actions.

"_Maybe she went home... But where is home?" _I panicked. I had no idea where she could have gone. I saw the Dot ahead of me, and I ran inside begging people to let me know where Clare lived if they knew. The boy behind the counter, Peter, gave me her address, but not before random people said a few choice words about me trying to find the "psycho bitch". "_Wow," _I thought to myself. "_No wonder Clare cries everyday at school. People are so cruel."_

I arrived at Clare's house, and frantically knocked on the door, but Clare didn't answer the door. Her mother did.

"Um, hi. Is Clare home?" I quickly asked.

"She hasn't' returned home from school yet today," her mother replied. "Are you a friend of hers?"

"Um, well, I'm not sure. I ran into her at the park after school got out, and she ran off. Do you have any idea where she could be? It's really important," I stated, hoping not to startle her mother just in case she didn't know.

"Damn it, Clare..." she muttered under her breath. "Try the cemetery? She's been going there a lot lately. The past few nights I've found her on the left end."

"_The cemetery! Why didn't I think of that!"_

"Thank you!" I shouted as I began the short run to the cemetery. "_Damn, why didn't I just drive Morty? Oh well. Too late now."_

When I arrived at the cemetery, sure enough, there she was. But something was off. Tyler's grave was a few rows over, and I remember that because it's a few plots over from Julia's. So who was she crying over now?

"Clare?" I cautiously approached, not wanting to scare her off once again. She didn't respond. She just stared blankly ahead of her, as if she were dead. She wasn't crying, but she was mumbling something under her breath, so I knew she wasn't dead. I got closer and knelt down next to her to try and understand what she was saying.

"You broke me. You broke me. I hate you. You broke me," she very softly repeated over and over. I could barely understand her, but then I noticed she was hitting herself in her arm holding her hand the way kids karate chop.

"_What the hell?"_ I thought. Realizing that she wasn't going to move, I very carefully swung her left arm over my shoulder and picked her up bridal style. Before beginning the two mile walk back to her house, I looked down at whose grave she was leaning against, and I couldn't believe it.

_Randall C. Edwards_

_April 17, 1967 - July 14, 2004_

"_Well that's a piece of the puzzle I never would have gotten..." _Eli thought to himself, but he must have said it out loud because Clare started freaking out.

"Clare... Clare! Calm down, I'm just taking you home," he said, trying to calm her down, but she kept squirming around trying to get Eli to let her go. But Eli's hold just got tighter, and he said, "You can't run away from this anymore."

With those words, Clare began to sob while burying her head into Eli's chest, knowing that someone, other than her mother, won't leave her. She didn't want him to find out. Not like this.

"Could you please just explain to me why?" Eli questioned. "If you don't want to explain, its okay, but I want to help you. I'm not going to leave you no matter what."

"...He killed an innocent boy, Eli..." Clare stated, with an "obviously" kind of tone to her voice.

"No, Clare. I'm asking about the cuts. Why do you do it?" Eli asked while resting his head on top of hers.

"...I don't cut myself Eli..." Clare responded, sounding slightly confused.

Eli stopped walking and pulled his head away and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Don't lie to me, Clare. I felt them."

"Well did you actually see them? No, I didn't think you did," she spat. "You'd understand if you saw. Besides, the cuts aren't even on my back."

"Clare, I felt them. If they aren't cuts, then what the hell are they?" I was getting agitated, so naturally, I raised my voice, and I felt awful when I felt Clare flinch.

"What? You want to see the scars? Put me down and I'll show you the scars right now." Her words cut deeper than they should have. She accused me of not believing her, and part of me didn't. I know what I felt, but nothing prepared me for what I was about to see. I hadn't even put her down yet, and she pulled the sleeve back to her elbow on her right arm and twisted her arm so that the top was facing me.

_ROT IN HELL BITCH_

_LOVE, DAD_

"Clare... Did he... I can't..." I couldn't even form complete sentences. I immediately put her down. Was this a joke? What kind of father does that to his own daughter? She started to lift the sleeve to her other arm, but I stopped her. I didn't need to see it for I'd seen enough. Although, part of me didn't want to see. Not yet anyway.

"There's more you know. Some on my stomach. Some on my legs. My back is surgery scars from when I was younger, Eli. He threw me down the stairs and broke a few bones," she stated, but there was hostility in her voice. She had just told a boy that she barely knew secrets most people didn't know about her, not even her classmates.

"This is why everyone hates you? Because you're father mutilated you?" I couldn't comprehend how that added up. "That makes no sense," I finally admitted.

"No, they hate me for something else." She looked down at her feet and her lip began to quiver and she began rubbing her cross necklace in between her fingers.

"Well? Spit it out Edwards."

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**A/N: Yes, I realize that it's slightly obvious what Clare's going to say next, but I don't care. I like to believe that I left you all with a cliffhanger, so please just humor me =)**

**Review and let me know how I did or how I'm doing. Both work =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated in like a week. I've been in the hospital and obviously didn't have access to a computer until yesterday.**

**Warning! This chapter could be triggering.**

**Enjoy! And review? I would love to know where I stand, but please don't be rude. I can handle constructive criticism, but it's hurtful when people just flat out tell me I suck.**

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**Eli's POV**

Before she said it, I realized what she was going to say. Seeing her father's grave, combined with the way she had been acting, combined with the scars she had, combined with Tyler suddenly just clicked and I felt stupid for even asking. I understood how she was feeling though. I wanted to kill the man who plowed over Julia, but it was a hit and run so we'll probably never learn who it was unless he decides to stop being a coward. But to me, the hardest part of her death wasn't her death itself, and it wasn't necessarily not knowing who took her from this world, but instead was the fact that someone took an innocent person's life and harbored no guilt about it.

But the look on Clare's face proved she was different. I tried looking into those crystal blue eyes, but she had squeezed them shut in order to help try and regain her composure. She clearly felt remorse for what she was about to tell me.

"I killed him," her words were practically invisible. Had I not realized beforehand what she was going to tell me, I would've asked her to repeat what she had just said.

"Clare—"

"No, Eli. Just go," she said coldly.

"But, Clare, I don't –"

"I said GO!" she yelled as she turned around and started running towards her house, which was only about two streets away by this point. I watched her turn the block, and I just sat on the curb and tried to figure out where to go from here. She wasn't going to listen to me no matter how hard I tried, but I really wanted to talk to her.

It was completely morbid of me, but I wanted to know how she murdered her father. I wanted to know what exactly made her snap. I knew I wouldn't get it out of her tonight, so I decided to go retrieve Morty from the park, and go home.

**Clare's POV**

I ran. I didn't even know where I was running, but I ran. I must have ran in circles because I ended up back at my house, but I knew I had been running longer than that. I tried to make myself look like I hadn't been crying so that my mom wouldn't worry, but I gave up knowing that she'd be happy at the fact that I had returned home. I went inside, and quickly went up to my room and slid down the door once it had shut, and cried.

At some point, I got in the shower, and I looked down at my body. I couldn't help but notice how incredibly horrid it looked with all the scars – the words. I hated him. He had been dead for six years, but I had never hated him more than I did this exact moment. For the first time, a guy actually cared about me and my past was going to screw it all up. What made it so much worse was that he was the most beautiful guy I'd ever set my eyes on. Those emerald eyes, his angled smirk, even the way he carried me was perfect.

Then I realized that all I've done is push him away. He didn't even try to stop me from running away that last time. Not once did he call my name. He just stood there and watched me leave.

_I'm such an idiot. _I thought. I couldn't handle anything anymore and I grabbed the razor off the shower wall. I'd never cut myself before, and I just wanted to know if it helped release the pain I felt. I mean, I already had scars all over my body, so who was going to notice one more? I lifted the blade to my forearm, inhaled and held my breath, I pressed the blade harder onto my skin, but not hard enough to break it just yet. I shut my eyes, and exhaled.

I dropped the razor to the bottom of the bathtub, and just burst out crying. I was so angry, yet relieved, that I couldn't get myself to cut, but a voice inside my head kept saying: _it makes you no better than he was_. I didn't want to become my father. After what seemed like hours, I stood up, turned off the shower, wrapped myself in a towel, and just went and laid on my bed. I didn't care that I was still soaked.

I looked at the clock, 8:46pm. I got up and put on my pajama shorts and a tank top. I went and stared out the window, not even realizing that I was tracing the scars on my thighs. Just then, I heard a knock on my door, and I looked at the clock again, 9:36pm.

"What is it, mom?" I asked as I returned my eyes to the window. She opened my door, and just stood there.

"What do you –" I began to ask, but stopped once I turned my head. Eli.

"H-how did you..." I stuttered over my words, but stopped when I realized he was staring at my scars. This was the exact reason I never wore short sleeved shirts or shorts out of my house – people stare.

**Eli's POV**

After going home, I had decided that I _needed_ to talk to Clare, so I went over to her house. Her mother invited me in, but clearly was hesitating since it was so late.

"Hi, Mrs. Edwards. I need to talk to Clare about an assignment due tomorrow, but she didn't answer her phone. Is she still up?" Even though I knew she was still awake since her light was still on in her room, I felt I should still ask. Her mother motioned up the staircase.

"End of the hall."

I knocked on Clare's door, and she thought I was her mother. I opened the door and my eyes immediately latched onto her limbs. There were so many scars – so many words, and I couldn't get myself to take my eyes off of them. She jumped up and dashed over to her bed to cover herself up as fast as she could, but not once returning her eyes to me.

"Clare..?" I sat next to her on the bed, but she turned away from me. Her face was bright red, and it was certain that she was going to begin crying again.

"Clare. Will you please look at me?" I pleaded. Slowly, she rolled herself over to face towards me, but she still wouldn't look at my face. I cupped her face with my right hand and began to stroke her cheek with my thumb. "Please?"

She inhaled and then nervously darted her eyes up and down, seemingly finding it hard to truly look at my face. She was obviously embarrassed, and I felt horrible for just showing up without any warning, but I knew she would say 'no', if anything at all, if I asked if we could talk.

"Clare, can I see?" I wanted to show her that I wasn't going to leave her since I knew words weren't going to be enough at this point. She shut her eyes in a poor attempt to stop herself from crying and slowly lifted the blanket. My breathing shuddered as I placed my hand on her shoulder and began to trace the words on her body.

"How many people know?" I couldn't help but wonder. I guess I had spoken outloud because she replied.

"Mom and doctors. And now you," she choked over her words.

"Why?" I asked. I knew it was rude for me to just blatantly ask, but I needed to know.

"Because my father decided he wanted to –," she began, but I cut her off.

"No, why did you kill him." This time I asked the direct question. She began telling me of how she had no cuts at the beginning of the day, yet when her father caught her witnessing him murder that child, he took it upon himself to take a steak knife and practically carve her.

"Once he was done, he put the knife down on the table next to me and just walked away. I cracked. I stood up, picked up the knife, and lunged at him. The entire time he had been telling me that Tyler was going to a better place and that if I didn't behave, I wouldn't be as lucky. I couldn't take him lying to me anymore. So I took the knife, and when once I screamed, he turned around and I stabbed him in the chest over and over and over," she said. Initially her voice was quivering as she was talking, but as she got towards the end, there was so much anger in her eyes and she was trembling as she was saying 'over and over and over'. "He somehow managed to live for two days, but eventually died. I feel awful for killing my father, but I can't say that I necessarily regret it."

I sat there, completely speechless. How was I to react to that? I eventually looked at her, and she had rolled over and faced the wall, and was crying harder than before.

"No one's making you stay. If you want to leave, just leave," she mumbled.

I sat there, still looking at her. I couldn't think clearly after what she had told me, but I knew that I didn't want to lose this girl. I couldn't bring myself to break her anymore than she already was because even though we hadn't known each other that long, I had finally felt like an actual human being for the first time in a long time. Maybe it was her eyes, or her curly locks, but whether I wanted to admit it or not, this girl had cast me under her spell. I gently placed my hand on her hip which caused her to look at me, and I smiled.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said softly.

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**Soooo? What'd you think? And I promise it won't take me a week to update again!**


	6. Chapter 6

**So this chapter is more just filler. Nothing really exciting happens, but I needed something to lead up to the next chapter!**

**Enjoy! And review? I love reading that you guys like my story =)**

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**Clare's POV**

"I'm not going anywhere," Eli responded as he smiled.

"Really? You really don't think I'm a psychotic freak for killing my father?" I questioned doubtfully. Everyone else did, and for that reason, I couldn't believe he didn't.

"How could I, Clare? It wasn't you're fault. He practically pushed you to it. Do you not realize that people would probably stop making fun of you if you told them?" I knew he was right, but opening up my past to them could also start a whole new set of hatred towards me.

"I've thought about it, yes, especially lately. I was hoping that when I came back to Degrassi, everyone would have forgotten. Clearly, I was wrong. Six years later and it's no different. Sometimes, it feels worse," I told him while trying to fight back tears. "Sometimes, I wish my father had killed me instead of scar me."

"Don't ever say that, Clare," Eli stated harshly.

I sat up and faced him. "Why not? I have to live with this memory every day of my life. He haunts me in my dreams, I wake up in the middle of the night screaming as his hand slowly begins to suffocate me, and everywhere I go I believe that he's going to find me. Physically, yes, he's dead. But spiritually, he's killing me, and I..." I paused. I couldn't believe I was telling him all of this. "I don't know how much longer I can live with this torture." I choked the last part out at almost a whisper. Maybe I was hoping that he couldn't hear me, but I knew he would.

"Clare, come here," he lay down next to me and held out his arm. I hesitated, not really understanding what he was gesturing at first, but quickly realized and eventually placed my head on his chest. _He must really care about me_, I thought while a faint smile tugged at my lips.

"Okay, so this may sound a little harsh, but I promise I don't mean it to sound that way. The kids at school, they're only going to continue harassing you if you let them. You can't just start crying in school because someone said something mean. They'll realize that it gets to you, and they won't stop. You have to prove to them that they're wrong and that you're not the girl they think you are."

I shot up and glared at him, "BUT I AM THAT GIRL, ELI. All they see when they look at me is a murderer, which I am. I _MURDERED_ my father. There's nothing I can do to change that!"

"You're right. There _isn't_ anything you can do to change the fact that you're father is no longer here, but you can change how they look at you. You're miserable, Clare, anyone can see that. But maybe you should learn to accept yourself for what happened _**to**_ you and not what you did. Anyone that still blames you after they learn what your father put you through is an ignorant jerk," he stated while lifting my chin up with his hand. "And I think deep down you know that. You can't be afraid of them, Clare. None of them can hurt you as much as your father did, but you have to have the willpower to not let them."

I just stared at Eli. He was making me so angry, but only because I knew he was right. No one had ever even tried to make me show the world who I really am, and here Eli is, pushing me. I wasn't comfortable with it. I liked my long sleeve shirts, my sweatshirts, jeans, and sweatpants. I don't even remember what it's like to wear anything else anymore, although relatives would give me shorts, skirts, t-shirts, and tank tops. I couldn't bring myself to be proud of who I am. Almost every part of my body had words forced on them.

"You should go, Eli," I stated, coldly. He hardly knew me. We weren't much of friends, so who was he to think that he could try and tell me what I should or should not do?

"Clare..." Eli looked at me with concern.

"Please, just go," I rolled over and faced the wall. His words hurt. He made it sound as if I weren't even trying. Granted, I wasn't trying as hard as I could have been, but I wasn't standing by doing nothing.

"At least promise me you'll think about it?" he pleaded.

"If I do, will you leave?" I asked, my words still cold. I knew I was being a bitch, but I didn't want to admit to him that I knew he was right. I didn't want to admit to myself that Eli was right. He put this huge hole in my chest only because I knew he was right. People always say that the truth hurts, and in this case, it hurt a lot.

Eli stood up and headed towards the door. Once he got to the door, he turned around to look at me while placing his forehead on the frame.

"Did you say something?" I asked honestly. I could've sworn I heard someone talking, but I couldn't make out what was said.

"I said, 'Goodnight Clare'," and with that, he left my sight.

I lay on my bed staring at the cheap glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling trying to figure out what he had said. I know he didn't say 'goodnight Clare' like he said. The phrasing was too short. I didn't spend much time thinking about it since my mind began to process what he had told me.

Then, I began to think about the talk Eli and I just had. He seemed awfully caring for someone who barely knew her. Normally, she'd think that he liked her, but she knew that that wasn't the case. She had begun to fall for him, but she wasn't sure if it was because of him or because of the way he cared for her. She knew that his eyes made her want to melt, and that he was incredibly attractive, and she thought that before Eli showed how much he cared.

_Who am I kidding? No one deserves to get involved with my mess of a life_, I realized.

Suddenly, I had an idea. I wasn't going to enjoy it, and neither was Eli. But I didn't care, and I refused to back down.

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**So? What do you think Clare's going to do?**

**Also, starting with the next chapter, I'll put a few more characters in it so that it's more than just Eli and Clare. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's taken me so long. I had a lot of issues with this chapter, plus a bunch of work to do for finals. But! I'm done now, so this should be updated on a more regular basis.**

**Enjoy and review!**

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**Eli's POV**

I went home that night trying to believe that Clare would actually think about what I had said about starting to tell other people. Of course, I wouldn't want her to tell everyone at once because that would backfire. Just a few people that she was once friends with, or even people that she had the potential to be friends with. Like my best friend, Adam. He knows I'm trying to be friends with her, and he believes that I'm developing feelings for her. Who knows? Maybe I am. It's not like they're ever going to be reciprocated since she'll believe I pity her. And maybe I am. No one should ever have to live with what she's had to go through, but she shouldn't have kept it a secret. And even with all those scars, I still think she's beautiful.

The next day at school nothing was really all that different, except Clare wasn't there. I should have known she'd skip. I'm pretty sure she has missed more days of school than school has been in session at this point. Once again, I had to take her homework to her.

_This is getting SO old_, I thought to myself. I understand why Clare hates school, but honestly, avoiding it isn't going to make it any better at this point.

I arrived at Clare's house, slightly excited to see her, but slightly worried that something was going to be wrong. I knocked on the door, the door opened, and there stood Clare with a smile on her face.

"Oh hey..." Clare said, as her face slowly dropped to hesitation.

"Don't sound so excited to see me, Edwards. I brought you your homework." I handed her the stack of papers her teachers had given me at the end of the day.

"Thanks, Eli. See you tomorrow?" She asked, her smile back on her face.

"What, not planning to skip again?" I asked, slightly annoyed. Why would she skip if she were happy? And why did she seem not so happy to see me?

"Nope. I had therapy this morning so my mom let me stay home since I'm not always ...stable... afterwards," she said looking at her feet.

I felt like an ass. "Oh," was all I could think of to say.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" she questioned, with a small smile on her face.

"I'll pick you up around 7:45?" I asked with a huge grin on my face as I was walking back to Morty.

"O-oh o-kay," she stuttered. She tried to hide her excitement and the fact that her face turned beet red by looking down at her feet, but it didn't work.

"No need to get embarrassed. It's just a ride," I joked as I got into Morty. As I drove off, I saw her faintly smiling her herself, with her face still as red as a tomato. _She's absolutely adorable_, I grinned as the thought creeped into my head.

.

The next day, I made sure to leave my house with enough time to get to Clare's. Her house wasn't entirely out of the way, but it wasn't exactly on the way either. I took some extra time getting ready since I wanted to look nice for Clare, but not entirely understanding why I wanted to impress her. I know I'm developing feelings for her, but I also know that I can't act on them, no matter how much she tempts me.

Upon arriving at her house, I stepped out of the driver's side door, walked up to her door, and right as I was about to knock, Clare opened the door with a seemingly forced smile on her face and walked right past me, slamming the door behind her.

"Clare?" She stopped and turned to look at me, and I noticed that her 'smile' had dropped. "What's wrong?" I was hoping that she wasn't mad at me at something I had said, especially since it was her first day back since I told her she needed to tell some people.

"Just got into a fight with my mom. I don't really want to talk about it," she turned on her heel, and let herself into the passenger side door before I was able to get over to her. _So much for being a gentleman, _I mentally slapped myself.

The ride to school was quiet seeing as I didn't want to upset her more. Occasionally, I'd glance at her to make sure she was okay, but she just continuously stared out the window, her eyes glassed over. We arrived at school, and I couldn't handle the silence any longer.

"Clare, are you sure you're okay?"

She snapped out of her daze. "W-what? Oh. No, really, I'm fine. Thanks for the ride. See you in English," she said while reaching for the door handle.

"Let me walk you to your first class?" I asked, really hoping she'd say yes, but her face said otherwise.

"Love to, but I have a meeting with Principal Simpson. Mom said he and my other teachers have to know about my ...body... before anyone else finds out. She's afraid that you're going to have me sent off to an institution, hence the fight," she admitted while looking down at her fidgeting hands. I tried to get her to look at me, but she wouldn't. All I wanted to do was look her in the eyes, but she never gave me the satisfaction before she exited Morty. It was clear that she didn't necessarily want to talk about it, but holding all those feelings inside weren't going to help her move forward.

I got out of Morty, and ran up next to her. "Sit with me at lunch," I blurted out. "Please?"

She stopped to look at me, but a hesitant smile creeped up on her face. "If you still want to by then, then sure," she stated quietly while averting her eyes from mine, and then bounced up the steps to the school and turned into the office.

_Why wouldn't I want to?_ I pondered. As annoying as it was, I would have to wait until lunch to ask her what she meant by that.

**Clare's POV**

I stared at myself in the school faculty's bathroom mirror. _Is testing Eli's friendship worth all this? _I asked myself that question over and over. I couldn't back down now and I had to do this my way to get everything out in the open all at once. Mr. Simpson knew what was going to happen and he had informed all of the teachers so that they wouldn't cause a scene, but I knew that the students would. I didn't even really care what they thought, but I was more afraid of what Eli's reaction was going to be. I knew he was going to be angry, but if he really cared about me, he'd understand. I heard the lunch bell ring, and students' voices filled the hallway. Locker doors slammed, and just about as quickly as it started, the hallway went silent. _It's now or never_. I gathered my belongings, and left the bathroom. No one was in the hallway, so I went to my locker and shoved my bags inside.

I approached the lunchroom doorway and placed my hand on the handle, but couldn't find the strength to open it. My stomach was in knots and all I wanted to do was cry. I wanted to turn around and run out of the school right then and there, but I knew I had to do this. Everyone by this point would have received their lunches, so they'd all be seated when I walked in. I took a deep breath and turned the handle. _Here goes nothing_.

I opened the door, my bag lunch in my left hand and slowly walked in. Within seconds, the lunchroom fell quiet, all eyes on me. I refused to look down at my feet, knowing that it showed a sign of vulnerability, and slowly made my way across the cafeteria. I spotted Eli sitting at a table, but as soon as I made eye contact with him, he turned around. I spotted an empty table, and sat there instead.

_I knew he'd hate me for this..._

"Back to your lunches!" Mr. Simpson finally yelled. Slowly, the cafeteria's volume level rose, but I could still feel piercing stares as the students questioned what I did amongst themselves.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" a familiar, yet unrecognizable voice hissed as I felt someone sit down next to me. I looked next to me: Alli. I looked back at my food.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I took a bite of my sandwich.

"People are staring, Clare. Why on earth would you dress like a slut when your body looks like – that? Why on earth would you do that to yourself?" she pointed from my toes to my head and back down to my toes, and with that gesture, I lost it.

"Shut up, Alli!" I yelled, not noticing that the cafeteria fell silent with that phrase, "I'm tired of people whispering behind my back. I'm tired of people thinking they know why I killed my father, yet have absolutely no idea. I'm tired of everyone thinking that it's their business – WHEN IT'S NOT. There's only one student in this room who didn't judge me for it, and unfortunately it wasn't the girl I thought was my best friend." The last half of that sentence came out colder than I expected it to, but I didn't care. Alli made it clear she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me after what happened, and no one cared to notice that I had been in the hospital for days. All they took notice to was that my father was dead and that it was my fault. "I didn't do any of this, and you would realize that if you actually took the time to look _**at**_ them instead of over them."

"W-... W-will you tell me what happened?" Alli asked hesitantly, while looking over my right arm and leg.

"Why?" I spat, "So you can go and spread new rumors that aren't true?"

Her face dropped, her eyes began to water, and her bottom lip began to quiver. I would have felt bad, but she knew I was right. It wasn't until then that I noticed everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me. Again. I looked around, and Eli was looking at me, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. His face was completely neutral. I turned around with a look on my face that showed disappointment.

"If you really want to know, come over tonight after dinner. I'll explain to you then," I said quietly, knowing full well that she'd come over.

Alli slowly had a genuine smile grow across her face, and I couldn't help but laugh to myself. I just hoped she'd use this information for good instead of evil because I do miss her as my best friend.

I looked back at Eli, and he was talking to the boy across from him. The boy kept glancing up at me, and I realized that they were talking to me. I hated that this was what my life was. Everyone talked about me behind my back, but hardly anyone had the decency to talk to me to my face. I looked back down at my half eaten sandwich, then down at what I was wearing – the shortest shorts I could find at the store and a tank top. They showed off most of the scars that I had, and I wanted everyone to find out at the same time to avoid as many rumors as I could. This way, there was no confusion as to what was on my body.

I closed my eyes and focused on trying not to care that everyone was talking about me. I clenched my fists hoping that I could squeeze out the low confidence I had. I hated that I had done this, and I hated that Mr. Simpson let me change in the faculty bathroom to do this. I wasn't proud of my body, and I hate how many memories it holds. My eyes started to water, and I furiously blinked them hoping that the tears would go away, but it didn't help. I stood up, leaving my sandwich on the table, and walked out the side door of the lunchroom that led outside. This little 'spectacle' that I just put on wasn't going to change the fact that everyone at school hated me, it wasn't going to change the fact that I wasn't proud of who I am, and most importantly, I just made the only person who cares never want to speak to me again. I sat at the picnic table, and buried my face into my arms bawling. I couldn't put up a strong front anymore.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and met eyes with the most beautiful green eyes I knew. My leg started shaking under the table, and I broke eye contact with him. I just placed my hands in my lap and stared at them.

"W-why are you here? Y-you're angry with me..." I finally managed to get out.

"I was angry, but after you stood up for yourself to Alli and after some reassurance from my best friend, I realized that what you just did was exactly what you needed," a faint smile hid behind his lips.

"So, you're not mad?" I said with a hopeful tone.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and said, "Not at all, Edwards. Not at all."

I looked down blushing, and eventually looked up at him only to see him smirking at me. I rolled my eyes, and leaned my head sideways to rest it on his hands clasped on my shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you, Clare," he stated as he kissed me on the temple.

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**So? What'd you think? I hope it was good? I really tried =)**


	8. Chapter 8

**OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY. I was planning on updating this while I was on vacation, but I left my computer on my bed *facepalm*. Then, I got stuck in all the snow/blizzard weather in the midwest AND in the northeast. Then, my grandmother passed away, so I then had to go to the south for her funeral and got home last night. Needless to say, it's been crazy. Also I was totally one of those that was stuck (legit could not leave) in the JFK airport, but I made some new friends who are just as energetic as I am. Everyone around us hated us, but hey. There's only so many ways you can entertain yourself in an airport for days waiting for an available flight and keep it PG. I also got a LOT of writing done, including a draft of the first few chapters for another story, but they have a lot of editing to have done since. Anywho, I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere! (Ha, my computer just told me that "I'm" in that sentence is supposed to be "I are"... Now, I know I'm not awesome with grammar, but I'm going to go ahead and believe that that's wrong..)**

**Oh! And also, since Clare wasn't at Degrassi for ...years... obviously the whole KC dating thing (Jenna included) never happened. Soooooo yeah. I honestly never liked KC, so I'm totally okay with that.**

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**Eli's POV**

It's been almost two months since Clare's lunchroom 'show'. Of course, after her conversation with Alli, everyone had heard about what happened. I swear that girl couldn't keep a secret even if her own life depended on it. Clare had to of known that everyone would know after telling Alli. I mean, she was best friends with her at one point. But maybe that's the way Clare wanted it: tell the story to one person who will tell the rest of the school. Maybe it was better that way.

During the past two months, Clare and I have become nearly inseparable outside of school. We aren't dating, but everyone assumes that we are. Clare's also had a few people rekindle friendships with her, and she spends every day at lunch with them while I'm stuck watching from a few tables over with Adam. She needs them in her life, and if I'm by her side, she won't pay attention to them.

"Why aren't you two dating already? You're practically drooling over her and besides, everyone thinks you are," Adam pestered.

"You don't think I know that?" I responded, still watching Clare laughing with her friends. "Everyone says she likes me, but I want to make sure those feelings aren't just because I was nice to her when no one else was before I make any move at all."

"And it has nothing to do with Julia...?" Adam pushed.

"Of course not. I love her, and I always will, but she'd want me to be happy, right?"

"Absolutely," he grinned.

I told Clare about Julia about three weeks after the day in the lunchroom. I knew she understand, especially after everything she's been through. She supportively held my hand the entire time while I shook and cried, and I had use every bit of strength I had to not kiss her right then and there. I've fallen so deep for this girl, and I hate that I can't express it to her.

After school, Clare and I went to the park to edit our essays for class the next day. Most of the time was spent goofing off and her talking about her therapy appointments since she's emotionally improving. Eventually we swap papers. We were supposed to write about something, or someone, that we feel changed our lives and naturally, I wrote about how Clare helped me move past the rut I was in after Julia's passing. She really helped me see that Julia would want me to be happy and to not stop living just because she couldn't, but instead to live for Julia, or something along those lines. I watched her as she read my paper. Perhaps she won't even notice that I basically wrote how much I like her. It's not like I wasn't careful about how I worded things, but I wanted to see her facial reaction because that would be where her honesty would show.

She looked up at me, her eyes distant. "Was it really that bad?" I feared her answer. I knew it was crossing a line that we had unspokenly set.

"No Eli, it was a really good paper," her words cold. What did I do?

"Then what's wrong? You were fine before you read it."

"..."

"Clare...?"

"Is it true? Am I really the person who changed your life?" she asked as if she were afraid of the answer. Did I want to tell her the truth? Yes. Should I tell her the truth? Yes. Am I going to tell her the truth? Well, that's written in the paper.

"Of course it is, Clare. Every word in that paper is true," I looked down at my hands which were on top of her paper that I had yet to read.

"Oh," was all she managed to say. Neither of us said anything for about five minutes.

"Crap, I was supposed to be home by 4," she lied. I knew she was lying. She just didn't want to be around me. She rejected me, but I wasn't going to let her know that the hidden meaning of that paper was how much I liked her.

"Want me to drive you home?" I asked, knowing full well of the answer.

"N-no thanks. Edit my paper and let me know of the changes later tonight?"

"Sure, Edwards," I replied. I didn't leave the picnic table for probably another hour. Instead, I just read her paper on how her father completely changed her life. _Of course she would write about that._

.

The next day at school, Clare avoided me. She avoided me all last night as well. Alli was our go between for messages about our papers, which was unfortunate for me because I could hardly stand the girl. She was way too perky and wore way to much make up. If I didn't go to school with her and just passed her on the streets, I'd think she was wanting to be a hooker. Who knows? Maybe she does.

Once English had arrived, I had planned on asking Clare what was wrong, but when she arrived at class, she went straight up to Miss Dawes, said something while handing her the paper, and turned around and left. _Was my paper really that upsetting to her?_

I decided to go to see Clare after school. I needed to know what I did wrong, and the only way to get that out of her was to confront her somewhere she couldn't run from me. As I approached her house, my stomach began twisting in knots. Did I really want to do this? I knew how fragile Clare was. Maybe all she needed was space. _No_, I thought to myself, _she can't run away from this_.

I climbed out of Morty and walked to her front door. I stood just staring at the door, probably looking like a creep to all of the neighbors, trying to find courage to knock on the door. As I rose my hand to knock, the door opened, revealing Clare's mother.

"Hi Eli. Are you here to deliver Clare's homework?" she said, smiling.

"Um... Yeah..." _Lie._

"Okay, well she's in her room. You can go on up. I was just about to go to the store anyway. I trust you'll behave?" she laughed.

I chuckled and replied, "You honestly have nothing to worry about." She opened the door wider for me to enter, and I quickly passed her and made my way up the stairs to Clare's bedroom. I stopped outside the door debating whether or not I should really do this. Can she handle it? Can I handle the truth? As I was debating, I heard her mother leave the house, start her car, and drive away. I couldn't sit here and debate anymore, and with that, I softly knocked on Clare's door.

No answer.

I knocked again, a little louder. Still no answer.

I opened her door slightly, and noticed that Clare was sleeping on her bed, her back facing the wall. Some of her curls were slightly covering her face, and I couldn't help but smile to myself at how adorable she looked. I soon felt awkward just watching her sleep, so instead, I started looking at the pictures she had all over her room. Some were of her and some tall skinny girl, some were of her and Alli, but the ones that I was most shocked by were the ones of her father and her from when she was really young. Clearly she couldn't have hated him as much as she said she did if she still had pictures of him.

Once I heard Clare begin to stir, I went over and sat on her bed. Startled, she screamed, realized it was me, and her expression suddenly went from fear to anger.

"What are you doing here, Eli?"

"I came to see if you were okay." _Lie._

"I'm fine, Eli. You can leave now." I debated leaving, but in the end, I didn't move.

"I said you can leave," and she lay back down on her bed, pretending to try and fall back asleep.

"Cut the act, Clare. You're not actually going to go to sleep. We both know that."

"Then why are you here?" she asked coldly. I could tell she didn't want to talk to me, but too bad. She wasn't going to get me to go away that easily.

"I want to know what about my paper upset you. You mean a lot to me and I hate that you're hurting from something I said," I said honestly. Her eyes shifted to the floor.

Silence. Not just any silence though. Awkward silence.

Maybe I expected too much in coming here. But then, a small voice interrupted my thoughts.

"You didn't say anything bad, Eli," she squeaked, her eyes still glued to the floor, but now they looked glassed over as if she were deep in thought. She squeezed them tight, and I realized that she was trying not to cry.

"If I really didn't say anything bad, then why won't you talk to me? Why are you trying not to cry? I wouldn't have written it if I had known it would upset you this much." I was really concerned about what was going through her mind. She may have been happier overall, but she wasn't anywhere near stable. I really thought it would make her happy to see how much I cared about her.

"I really don't want to talk about this, Eli. Either change the subject or leave. Please."

I knew I wasn't going to get this out of her unless I pushed, but after seeing her cry, I couldn't. She just looked so broken. Even more than the first day I laid eyes on her in the cemetery. Her eyes looked lost.

I got off the bed, kneeled in front of her, and tucked the curl that had fallen back over her face behind her ear. "If I leave, you have to promise me that if you need anything, you'll call me. Okay? I mean it. Even if it's two o'clock in the morning, I don't care."

Her breathing shuddered, and she clamped her eyes shut. Abruptly, she shook her head. "No, Eli. Please, just leave."

I snapped. "I don't understand why you're doing this! Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

She started to cry harder than before, and immediately, I was overcome with guilt. She jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

_Shit_.

I walked over to bathroom, only to hear Clare sobbing on the other side. "Clare..." I pleaded, "please open the door? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just so angry with myself 'cause I don't know what I did."

No response. Just sobs.

"Clare... please?" Once I realized I had been defeated, I leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door, and slid down to the floor. I felt awful. I made the girl I'm in love with cry. Cookie points for me. _Woah. _I do not love Clare Edwards. It's clear that I don't even know her very well if I can't figure out why someone caring for her would upset her so much.

And that's when it hit me.

Other than her mother, Clare had never had anyone, let alone a guy, care about her. He destroyed her body. He destroyed her spirit. He destroyed her life. She was ridiculed by people whom she had thought were her friends. No wonder she was so torn about my paper. The only guy who had ever said that they cared for her had turned around and destroyed her. In her mind, how was I going to be any different? She must have never felt the tension that I always did when hanging out with her or else she would have acted this way earlier. My heart sank with the realization that she didn't feel the same way about me, but honestly, who could blame her. She'd been through so much that it wasn't surprising to know that all she wanted was a friend. We did care for each other, that much was clear, but it had never been spoken.

I could still hear Clare sobbing behind the door, but those sobs were becoming choppier which meant that she was calming down. Eventually, after what felt like hours, she opened the door and looked at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, her face was tear streaked, but she was still beautiful to me. I didn't have anything to say. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to, but I didn't know what I should say. I felt like a complete idiot for not realizing this sooner.

"I thought you had left," she whispered, her eyes fixated on the floor.

"I wanted to make sure you're alright. I'm sorry, Clare. I didn't realize how much my paper was going to affect you. Please call me if you need anything, but if you're not comfortable talking to me, please at least call Adam? You can even tell him about how much you hate me. Just please. You'll feel better. I promise." I got up off the floor, and turned toward the stairs to leave. She didn't want me there.

"Please don't leave," she spoke hesitantly, staring at the baseboard. Her eyes danced around, until they finally looked up at me. "Can we talk? About other things, I mean. I haven't talked to you in a few days."

"Sure. I'll start by telling you about how Carly kissed Freddie!" I smirked.

"...Excuse me?" she questioned, but I could see a small smile forming on her lips.

"...iCarly? Don't you watch that? Jeez Clare," I rolled my eyes as I laughed.

A huge smile broke out onto her face as she started laughing. Truly laughing. "Starting there is good." We walked back into her room and sat on her bed.

"But first, you're going to tell me when it is that you started watching iCarly, because I don't see you as the type to watch that," she stated, still smiling.

We ended up talking for hours, but I never did re-mention my essay. I could tell that something was on her mind, but I didn't want to push her. She was still hesitant at times to be around me, but I just acted the way I normally did before she read my paper.

They say to never fix something that wasn't broken, but Clare _was_ broken. All I could think was that I wanted to fix her. I wanted to glue her back together. I wanted her to trust me. Maybe then we could actually be more than just friends. One day. Maybe. Hopefully.

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**So, what'd you think? I'm not quite done with this story, but it's getting there. Please review and let me know what you thought! Also, should I post my other story that I started? Let me know!**

**Also, the iCarly reference was from a conversation that I had while stuck in the airport. I've seen like maybe two episodes. =)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ahh! I know. It's been, what, three and a half months? But I was in the hospital for a month and a half of that (all explained in Promises are Forever). First, I had decided that I was going to discontinue the story, and then I was going to update this like two weeks ago because some people were asking me to, but I ended up breaking my foot so it was a little hard to find time because I missed even more school. Sort of. My professors are letting me do my classes online and through skype because they're awesome. And I've had them before, so they know I'm not going to flake on them, but unfortunately that means I have to flake on you since school comes first when I have to teach myself and stay current with the class.**

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**Clare's POV**

The next morning, I woke up with an arm around me and immediately began to freak out. With every squirm, the arm would just grasp me tighter. If it refused to let go of me, the least the person could do was allow me to roll over so I could see who was not allowing me to move.

"Clare? Clare. Calm down. It's just me." Eli. Of course. We must have fallen asleep, but why didn't my mom wake at least him up so he could go home? I glanced at the clock and it read 6:30am. Great.

"C-could you let go of me? I have to get ready for school." But he didn't budge. "Eli, seriously." Still no movement. "Fine. I'll just pee on you then," I stated with a smirk of my own, then pretended to relax in preparation.

"Okay! Okay. Geez woman. No need to be a bed wetter on my account." His arm snapped off of me in record time just to then push me off the bed. "If you're going to pee your pants, at least do it on the floor."

"Such a gentleman," I muttered under my breath, but for some reason, I couldn't stop smiling. "You should probably head home before school so you can get ready as well."

"I don't want to," he said as he snuggled further under the covers.

"Eli, go. I'll see you when you pick me up in an hour." I poorly attempted to drag him out of my bed, but either he was too heavy, or I was too weak.

"Fiiiiiiinnnnnnneeee. Just please. Stop trying to rip of my arm! I'll see you in an hour." I chuckled at the fact that he was indeed _not_ a morning person. I hate to say it, but it was actually really cute.

No. I can't let myself fall for him. I can't let myself rely on him to always be there when I need. I can't let myself put my heart on the line when he'll leave just like everyone else did. He'll soon realize that it's true what everyone thinks of me: I'm nothing. He just pities me anyway. It's not like he'd actually fall for a girl as broken as I was. He can't. No normal human being would, right?

I couldn't stop my thoughts from racing as I continued to get ready. He did say that I was the one who changed his life, but that's only because we're both from broken pasts. It's also impossible to change your life because your life is being set as you live it. Eli lied. You can't change your life. Your past won't change and your future is never determined.

Or maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way.

I walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen hoping to talk to my mom. I didn't know what to do, and with Eli picking me up in ten minutes, I didn't have time to deal with Alli trying to get details about Eli staying over before giving me advice.

"Hey sweetie. Where's Eli?" Uh oh. How did she know?

"He's home?" I pretended as if I had no idea what she was talking about, even though she was able to see right through me with every lie I told, but technically it wasn't a lie. But the fact remains that I know that she knows that Eli stayed the night.

"Why'd he go home? I figured he would've stayed the entire night." Wait. What?

"How'd you –"

"I went upstairs to check on you once I got home, and Eli was awake watching some TV while you slept. He said you had a rough day and didn't want to leave you alone just in case you had a nightmare or something. So I told him he could stay. I figured you'd rather he be there if that happened." Wow. My mom actually _let_ Eli stay the night? My head might not be able to wrap around that for a while.

"Actually, I needed to talk to you about that.." I debated stalling, but Eli was going to be here soon and I just wanted to get this over with. "He wrote an essay for English about how I changed his life and about how much he cares for me."

"And…" My mom was trying to push me to continue, but I didn't want to. I had to though. I needed to get this off of my chest.

"Why did he lie?" Tears were now starting to form in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry. I couldn't cry. Eli was going to be here any minute, and he couldn't know that I had been crying because then he wouldn't give up until he got it out of me. "He can't care for me, no one willingly does. You have to, the doctors have to, why would anyone willingly care? And I couldn't have changed his life. Your future isn't determined and you can't change your past. Mom, why would he lie to me like that?" By now, tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I wasn't even trying to stop them. At this moment, I didn't care.

"Sweetie, just because you can't change your past doesn't mean that you didn't change his life. When someone says that you changed their life, it means that you helped them through something that they may not have been able to do on their own or you helped them change their viewpoints on life. As for being cared about, Eli does care about you. You just have to trust yourself and him enough to see that." She hugged me and cupped my face as she pulled back. "Believe me. That boy cares so much about you."

"Thanks, mom." I turned around and picked up my bag off the floor, and exited the house. Eli was already here, and was about to get out of the hearse before he saw me, but once he did, he stopped dead in his tracks, and his face fell. I crossed my arms across my stomach trying to hold back the tears re-threatening to fall and stopped walking towards the hearse, and looked him straight in the eye. Looking him dead in the eye was a back idea though because once I did, I lost it. I sank to my knees on my front lawn, and buried my face in my hands. Before I knew it, Eli was kneeling right next to me with one hand on my back, while the other was trying to pull my hands away from my face.

"Clare? Clare, look at me? Please? What's wrong?" His voice was laced with panic, and because of that, I forced myself to look at him. My face was streaked with tears, snot dripping out of my nose, and my breaths were choked with sobs as I looked at him, but he didn't flinch. He just tried to search my face for any form of an answer that I wasn't verbally giving him. Then, without thinking, I threw my arms around him and buried my face into his shoulder, crying even harder, if that were even possible. I felt Eli's arms eventually wrap around my waist, albeit hesitantly, and I held on to him even tighter. Eli began to rub my back, and eventually I slowly began to calm down.

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out. "I didn't mean to freak you out like that." I put on a semi-fake smile as I frantically tried to wipe away the snot and tears from my face with my sleeve.

"You want to talk about it?" I released a shaky breath and slowly shook my head. "Clare, come on. You just collapsed in your yard and cried for a good 45 minutes. You need to talk about it." I inhaled a sharp breath and slowly let it out.

"I'm scared."

"Clare, you have no reason to be scared. I'm not going to judge you. If anything, I'll try to help you, just please –"

I cut Eli off. "No, Eli. I'm scared. I—I'm scared of you." I watched Eli as his face fell.

"Oh… Well I can leave you alone if you'd like. I won't bother you if that'll help." You could just hear the disappointment in his voice, and for a brief moment I was confused, until I understood what I just said.

"No! That's not what I meant!" I let out a small chuckle at my mistake before continuing. "I'm not used to having those other than my mom or doctors care about me, so the fact that someone does and they're not at obligation to care, it's new to me. And to be honest, right now, I don't like it." Eli looked down at the ground, and immediately I felt awful. I was hurting him, and everything I was saying wasn't helping.

"Like I said, I'll leave you alone." Eli's voice sounded so sad, and it was killing me inside.

"I said that I don't like it right now. I never said to stop. I just need some time to get used to it? I've come to realize that I do like you, and not just because you were the first person to try and see me for whom I really am. I don't want to make myself vulnerable to certain feelings, especially if they're not reciprocated or wanted. I just –". Suddenly, Eli pressed his lips against my cheek, cutting me off from my rant.

"Don't you ever for a second think that I don't like you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on," Eli whispered into my ear. His words made me blush like crazy, and I hated it. It was embarrassing to know that he had that kind of effect on me. He pulled his body away from mine and looked into my eyes. "I'll give you all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." There were only inches between us, but surprisingly, I wasn't uncomfortable with it, but what I did next surprised even me.

I closed the gap between us, softly pressing my lips against his.

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**I know, I rushed it. But oh well. Feel free to hate me because I hate me. And 2011 hates me. Honestly, the past few months have been pure torture. But it won't take me very long to update unless something happens again, which hopefully it won't.**

**Also! Check out my other story, Haunted. That'll be updated tomorrow! The next chapter's already written on my computer, but I have two different ways I could end the chapter and I'm trying to figure out which way I like better, but I need to sleep on it. So, that promise will not be broken like how it was for this story, which I still feel awful about.**

**Please review! I know I lost a lot of viewers for this story, but I'd like to know if people are still reading it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, here we are. I've decided to make this the last chapter. I've lost interest and you've lost interest, so there's no point in dragging out a story that doesn't have any interest in it! I've had a lot of interest in Haunted, but I've wanted to finish this first, but it took me SO LONG to write this chapter. Like legit, weeks. Well, I did have finals AND graduation within the past few weeks, so that also put a damper on my time. But I'm still not happy with it.**

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**Clare's POV**

A kiss. That's all it was. Nothing more, nothing less. Eli didn't even have time to react before I pulled back. I didn't even want to look at him after, so I just looked at the ground, but after a few moments of him not responding, I glanced up just to notice he looked conflicted. He wasn't looking at me, but instead looking pretty much everywhere _but_ me.

"O-oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't have." I stuttered before rising to my feet to try and get away from him. I couldn't believe that I just kissed him right after I told him I needed time. In what way does that make any sense? I quickly turned around to make a beeline back to the door of my house, but was abruptly stopped by Eli wrapping his hand around my wrist, but I didn't turn to face him. I was embarrassed and I hated that I had for once put myself out there, and he didn't even respond. Why would I want to face that? Tears threatened to spill out of the corners of my eyes, and nothing I tried to do made them go away.

Eli hesitantly rose to his feet and walked to be in front of me, but I still refused to look him in the eye. I couldn't. Not after he basically rejected me. Gently, Eli placed the fingers of his right hand underneath my chin and slowly raised my face to look at him. I felt him brush away a tear that I didn't even know I had let fall, and before I could say anything, he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me closer to him, gently placing his lips over mine while his other hand went to rest on my lower back. He slowly and hesitantly opened his lips against mine in attempt to deepen the kiss, and I attempted to follow his lead because when it came to any form of intimacy, I was completely lost. I couldn't help but wonder what this meant for us. The kiss only lasted seconds, and when it was over, Eli rested his forehead against mine with his hand still cupping the side of the back of my neck, his thumb lightly playing with my earlobe, and his eyes remained shut.

"E-Eli, what does this mean?" The butterflies were racing in my stomach, but they didn't feel like butterflies. They were more like tyrannosaurus rexes fighting with each other over which was going to eat the last dinosaur, and as much as I hated the feeling, knowing that I got it from Eli made me absolutely love it. All I could think about, as terrified as I am, was how much I wanted to continue kissing Eli, and now that I had, I don't know if I could restrain myself as much as I should. Kissing him made me feel things I hadn't felt in years and honestly, it terrified me.

His eyes fluttered open when he heard my question. "What do you want it to mean?" He seemingly searched my eyes for any form of regret, but I knew he wouldn't find any. I no longer regretted kissing Eli since I now realized that he was shocked that I had kissed him, but I don't know where we go from here. No guy ever paid attention to me so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I've seen people holding hands while they walked down the street, am I supposed to do that? I've seen couples in the school hallways give small kisses as they part ways, and I'm certainly okay with doing that, but am I supposed to do that? Slowly, I pulled his right hand away from my face with my left hand, and held them together, as if there were a wall between us, then slowly interlaced our fingers together.

"Is this what I'm supposed to do?" I quietly asked. I felt so stupid for not really knowing, but I've been in hospitals for pretty much the last few years of my life. I was rarely around people my age and those who were, they were other patients at the hospitals. In the hospitals I stayed at, visitors were rare. Supposedly it was policy to start out separated and then slowly reintegrated into the world you once knew.

A small smile spread across Eli's face before responding, "Only if this means that you'll be my girlfriend." He glanced down at our hands, still interlaced, and I noticed a small blush rising on his cheeks. "And I really hope you will be, but I'll wait for as long as you need to be ready."

"I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready if I don't push myself," I honestly responded. "Just promise me you'll take it slow? Like snail paced slow. I don't want to rush in to anything." I secretly really hoped that Eli would be okay with that, because if he wasn't, I don't know what I'd do. I really like him, but I need to heal more without him.

"Can I still kiss you?" Eli had a slight pout on his face when he asked that question, which I have to admit was very adorable.

"I'd be mad if you didn't," I grinned at him. He pout quickly turned into a smile, and he brought me in for another kiss.

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**Tadaa. The end. I lost a lot of interest in this story, and so did basically everyone else. So I chose to end it this chapter. That way I can at least let the few who still read it know that I finished it.**

**Also, Haunted will be updated within the next few days. I'm no longer in school so the only thing that gets in the way is work since I'm now working full time since it's summer. Well, then there's Kyle, but he'll understand =)**

**Review? Or don't. It's okay. I know this story sucked.**


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